The Journey - First moment of healing

If you have been reading my blogs, you know my journey for healing started a few years ago. Its not been easy; but the first moment is so significant that it keeps you pushing further.

I just turned 40, and was fired from the job I joined a couple months ago. I was not in love with this start-up or the job/role because of all the things I explored since I joined, nevertheless I could not take the rejection; I was in disbelief. I had already been feeling low in energy, losing memory of small and big things in life since the past 2 months, and now this blow was very hard to accept. When I gathered enough courage to visit my doctor, I learned that the thyroid gland in my body has almost been destroyed (by my own self), and the hormone is at a dangerously low level. I was started on Synthroid immediately.

My journey began right around this time when I was in the whirlwind of personal health and professional crisis. While I was still fighting through the rejection and interviewing at other places, I was also exploring the reasons why I go back to work. Every time I interviewed and looked back at my own life, I felt very selfish; collecting for me and my own family while contributing back nothing in return. Growing up as a kid, I had a dream to contribute back to the people & community around me; now after working for 20+ years, I was questioning what I am working for. Every time I interviewed, it pushed me further in this quest. This quest is the reason why I am here today.

This quest pushed me to get up every morning at 5 am even when I had to drag me out of the bed against all pain; it pushed me to sit and do nothing meaningful, nothing significant against my constant judging of how I spend my time; gave me courage to join zumba dance against the fear I had for exposing myself; or challenge myself with the insignificant 3D puzzle that I have been avoiding. In return, I learned to be at peace with myself, my constant judging and pre-occupied mind started to get free to observe and enjoy life around me; I wan't annoyed at the loud sounds anymore, the bright-lights didn't create headaches; I started noticing how I use the two sides of my body, and how being restless changes my breathing. I started to notice when I slow down the pace of life, it contributes back in a way so significant that I have never experienced before; this is when I started to bless the person who fired me; at last I was at peace with the rejection and happy that it happened the way it did. I knew at this point "Whatever happens in life, happens for good". I was ready to start a new journey.

For anyone who is starting their healing journey or feeling stuck, may you know that the difficulties you face are temporary; the willingness to stay in the course will give you the courage to persevere and get there. My heartfelt wishes are wish you!!